My Thesis...My Life

I am starting to feel so stupid lately. I look at the news, I read commentaries, and then my eyes glaze over, and except for commenting at other people's blogs, the only inspiring thing I seem to come up with lately to blog about, is my boyfriend.

I was complaining to him the other day, that I might as well, just go ahead and name my blog "My Boyfriend."

Also when I talk with friends, I am so easily distracted. I lose my train of thought. I forget what I was saying.

I am living and breathing my thesis. The first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing at night is sadly, no longer my boyfriend. It is my thesis.

On top of that, I misplaced a watch that my boyfriend gave me, and I had a mini-freak out, almost starting to cry, because I couldn't find it. A friend came over and was helping me look for it, but my place is a mess, because every surface is covered in papers (and that is just my coffee table, my kitchen table is also covered, not to mention my desk...and during the day, my bed isn't spared from becoming a readin surface) for my thesis. My boyfriend was a total sweetheart and said to not worry about it. And my friend was teasing me saying, it was just a watch and not my boyfriend.

However, there she was a little wrong. When my boyfriend left, I was wearing a St. Christopher's medallion every day. I am not religious, but I am superstitious. And I realized that I had to stop wearing that medallion otherwise I would start getting obsessive about it and if I didn't wear it one day, I would think that something bad would happen to my boyfriend. So I put the medallion away. I wanted to avoid falling into the trap of developing some kind of daily routine that, that if interrupted, would start the cosmic domino effect, and end with something bad happening during the deployment.

However, I had unwittingly developed a routine anyway. And I realized that when I started getting weepy when I couldn't find the watch. My boyfriend placated me over the webcam, saying he would get me a new one, but that's besides the point. It's not about the watch. It's about what that watch meant to me. It was something I wore everyday, and it felt like a connection to him. And I am so angry at myself for being so careless.

So I am going to drink some coffee, and then clean up for a bit, hopefully find the watch hidden under a pile of papers, or in a drawer...and then I will sit myself once again in front of my laptop, and let all my life-force be further sucked out of me.

I can't wait until I turn that thing in. A little carrot that is hanging in front of me, is the fact that when I am finished with my thesis, it will be time for my boyfriend's R&R.