Sunday, June 26, 2005

My Thesis...My Life

I am starting to feel so stupid lately. I look at the news, I read commentaries, and then my eyes glaze over, and except for commenting at other people's blogs, the only inspiring thing I seem to come up with lately to blog about, is my boyfriend.

I was complaining to him the other day, that I might as well, just go ahead and name my blog "My Boyfriend."

Also when I talk with friends, I am so easily distracted. I lose my train of thought. I forget what I was saying.

I am living and breathing my thesis. The first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing at night is sadly, no longer my boyfriend. It is my thesis.

On top of that, I misplaced a watch that my boyfriend gave me, and I had a mini-freak out, almost starting to cry, because I couldn't find it. A friend came over and was helping me look for it, but my place is a mess, because every surface is covered in papers (and that is just my coffee table, my kitchen table is also covered, not to mention my desk...and during the day, my bed isn't spared from becoming a readin surface) for my thesis. My boyfriend was a total sweetheart and said to not worry about it. And my friend was teasing me saying, it was just a watch and not my boyfriend.

However, there she was a little wrong. When my boyfriend left, I was wearing a St. Christopher's medallion every day. I am not religious, but I am superstitious. And I realized that I had to stop wearing that medallion otherwise I would start getting obsessive about it and if I didn't wear it one day, I would think that something bad would happen to my boyfriend. So I put the medallion away. I wanted to avoid falling into the trap of developing some kind of daily routine that, that if interrupted, would start the cosmic domino effect, and end with something bad happening during the deployment.

However, I had unwittingly developed a routine anyway. And I realized that when I started getting weepy when I couldn't find the watch. My boyfriend placated me over the webcam, saying he would get me a new one, but that's besides the point. It's not about the watch. It's about what that watch meant to me. It was something I wore everyday, and it felt like a connection to him. And I am so angry at myself for being so careless.

So I am going to drink some coffee, and then clean up for a bit, hopefully find the watch hidden under a pile of papers, or in a drawer...and then I will sit myself once again in front of my laptop, and let all my life-force be further sucked out of me.

I can't wait until I turn that thing in. A little carrot that is hanging in front of me, is the fact that when I am finished with my thesis, it will be time for my boyfriend's R&R.


Blogger Jen said...

Try to look at the bright side. The thesis is providing a distraction from worrying and counting the days until R&R. The time will fly by and before you know it, you'll be on your way - with watch on wrist - to the airport to pick Him up. What a wonderful thought! :)

3:03 PM  
Blogger Bluesman said...

It is totally normal behaviour. During the whole time you have studied, nothing was so time consuming and important like your thesis is now. Friends know this and support you and I am sure your boyfriend backs you up too.
Finish the thesis, get some time off, hopefully he will get his R&R and two months later everything will be over. Then you may call yourself eMmA.

Trust me, there is an end to this.

6:40 PM  
Blogger Brian H said...

It's probably all due to your brain trying to make do with less. It's been found lately that there is a significant IQ drop when you are in love, so you're probably having to ration out your lowered rationality in order to keep enough functioning brain cells focussed on the thesis.

8:41 PM  
Blogger Army Wife said...

I have found my personal belongings in odd places when I am stressed...

cupboards, refridge....

11:44 PM  
Blogger HookersGirl said...

You will find it I bet. Its probably because your brain is filled with stuff of your thesis. So calm down and you will find it whenever you are not expecting it and that will make you even more happier.

Iam so excited for you when he is coming back...hey we hit the 4 month line, isn't it a good reason to party a little bit in 2 weeks???!!! ;-)

12:26 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Totally understandable.

I usually refrain from commenting when you write about personal matters. I still read them, I just don't think I am qualified one bit to comment on personal affairs.

To a very lesser extent, I can sympathize with you about being away from your boyfriend. My wife is away training for the state police, but I get to see her on weekends, so I very much have no clue what it's like for you and the thousands of other families like you.

I think the military wives and families who comment on your site do a great job of relating to you and the situation. And they do a great job of supporting you. You all deserve a special place in heaven when this is all over.

Now when you talk about a thesis, I am right on board with ya. It's total hell. It does give you something to stay busy with while he's away. But if you are anything like me, it just makes you think about him more.

Hang in there.

So, you want to be a chef and you are still going to do your thesis?

4:58 AM  
Blogger Household6 said...

Okay then once your done with the thesis you HAVE to come over and write my labor relations paper. I so don't like this summer school thing but it gets the classes over and done with.

You will find your watch in the weirdest place, I swear. Just last weekend I was looking for a bathing suit for hours when I finally realized I had returned it and used an older one instead. I tore the house apart trying to find it.

AKA Miss Stella

8:07 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Like everyone else said... the watch will turn up - probably in a least expected place! I used to stress over misplaced stuff - but the only thing that will really set me off nowdays is car keys *grin*. (I live in the burbs - I can't go anywhere without my car!)

Anyhow, the thesis - much as it's driving you nuts - will make the time pass faster. Until then, just blog whatever you want - if it's all about your boyfriend - that's okay!!! Blogging is what YOU want to talk about... not what you "should" talk about.

9:38 PM  
Blogger katiedid said...

Ach, your blog is your blog, and if someone doesn't want to read about a certain subject, then it's not as if you're forcing them to.

W/r/t the medal, would it make you feel better to know that he likely was never a real person in the first place? Here's one quick link on the subject, though I'm sure there's better sources:

10:03 PM  

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