Monday, June 20, 2005

Love and the Internet

I met my boyfriend on the internet. One of my brothers met his wife online. And I have a bunch of friends who have met their significant others online. And it got me to thinking: does the internet actually increase your chances of having true love? Or does love found online have the same rate of failure as love in the real world?

We have become a consumer society, expecting to get what we want, and not have to accept what we get. And it is the same in romantic relationships. We no longer have to accept the small pool that we are offered in our social circle, but we can branch out into the huge ocean of partners accessible thru the internet. There are match making sites where you can search criteria ranging from common hobbies, particular habits, hair color, age, weight, and profession, and beyond. Technically, this should increase one's potential in finding someone who matches his or her likes.

I like the process of meeting someone online, seeing if there is a good rapport between us, and then meeting in person. I think it is a more time efficient way of "dating." The pool of guys that I find physically attractive is larger than the pool of guys I find intellectually attractive. Thus, it seems more practical to me, to sort out if they are intellectually attractive first, and then see how we work out in person, than to verbally engage with someone I find attractive. I will be the first to admit, that I have dated a lot of guys who weren't nearly as attractive in person (and I mean their whole physical presence) as they were online. But I had faith in the system. And when I met my boyfriend, there was a certain sense of redemption.

Since meeting my boyfriend I have become incredibly grateful towards Hot or Not (I so need to write Jim and James one of those thank you note/testimonials), because we are truly two people who would have never met otherwise. And to think that without the internet, I wouldn't have met this incredible person, is something I don't even like to think about.

So, I would tend to think that more and more people are finding relationships that are more fulfilling than the ones they would have "settled" for before.


Blogger Sminklemeyer said...

Just like anything else, there are good and bad experiences with internet dating. There are a lot of whackos who use these sites to prey on people. So, I think it's good for people to meet online, but I encourage them to chat / talk for a few weeks before meeting.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Sminklemeyer is right. Some people get really lucky and others don't.

I knew a guy a few years ago who wanted to do the online dating thing. He put a picture of himself from 1988 out there! Geeze... that's almost 20 years ago! His excuse was that he didn't have any good pictures that were more recent... which - if you read between the lines - means he doesn't look so good anymore.

I'm just glad I don't have to date anymore! I've always said - if anything ever happened to my husband - I don't know if I'd ever date again. Too scary for me. *grin*

11:31 PM  
Blogger Household6 said...

It wasn't the internet but I met my hubby once and we pen pal'ed it for over a year before I went to see him for an "official date."

I really liked this experience as it gave us time to become friends, and learn about each other before all the 'junk' got in the way.


12:17 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

It definitely gives you time to get to know each other, but I guess I am just nervous by the ability to misrepresent yourself, if you want to. I mean, someone can be incredibly literate but still less than honest.

Of course, having said that, the same could be said for 'traditional' dating.

I'm on the fence though. I met Todd face-to-face but the deployment has forced us to build a friendship we likely would never have had if the situation was different.

12:32 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I think the internet has allowed us to increase our pool of possibilities - not just with love relationships, but also friendships. I've met people online I never would have met in the circles I normally travel in. I certainly would never have met "Him" had it not been for the internet. A year and a half later, and we are still going strong - in spite of the 1000s of miles life puts between us.

Meeting someone online definitely allows you the opportunity to get to know the person before you invest too much time and effort into seeing where it goes. Plus, you don't have a headache the next day after having a few drinks to see if the guy gets better looking. :)

1:30 AM  
Blogger Al's Girl said...

Well, I met my fiance' on the Internet (eHarmony) to be exact. That was December 2003, and we are getting married when he comes home on R&R later this summer. I loved meeting somebody the way that I did. We knew everything about one another before we even met in person - it was WONDERFUL!

3:25 AM  
Blogger The Girl said...

This was a post that really made me smile :) Of course, The Boy & I met online (Yahoo! Personals), and even though we were less than 20 miles apart, we wouldn't have met otherwise.

I love my Internet friends... I wouldn't have met you, Sarah, or a myriad of others without it.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Bluesman said...

The pool is larger, you get more time to get to know the other person. You can end contact more easily than changing your phone number.
Still, when you meet the person, you know whether something can get out of it or not, since physical attraction is much more than a cute picture.
There are studies that say that almost 80 percent of all couples who get together come from a radius of 60 Miles. I wonder if this has chenged due to the internet.

5:51 PM  

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