Saturday, November 26, 2005

Absence makes the heart grow stronger

I haven't posted for awhile about the deployment, partly because I am unsure of what to write, and partly because what I have written always appears to be slightly depressing upon re-reading. And I don't want to post something mopey and sad.

It's difficult for me to understand this melancholy, I mean, here I am three months before the end of this one year trial. I should be gleeful, excited, exuberant. But instead I swing between a tired sort of contentedness when I think about this being over, and a resigned dejectedness that there are still another three months.

Now the deployment is officially longer than our relationship was before he left. It means, that for me, his absence has now replaced his physical presence as being the norm of our relationship.

We used to joke before he left, that after the deployment, we could say we had been together a year and 8 or 9 months, and in actuality we really didn't have to put up with each other for a year, so that made it easy. We both knew it was just humor, and that the real sweat work lay in the year ahead.

When I look back on these last nine months, I am amazed. The ups and the downs, the usual relationship issues that one has, but with the added difficultly of thousands of miles of distance...but we are still going strong. In fact, stronger than before.

Before he left, I knew I loved him. But I didn't know how much. You know that relationship test they have, where one partner is supposed to fall, and the other will catch them? The falling partner must close their eyes, and trust that their partner will be there to catch them. Through this exercise trust is tested and built. Well, when I look at this deployment in retrospect, it seems like we have both been falling and catching each other the whole year. Because our relationship has really been tested this year, I have so much more faith in it.

So whenever I get a little depressed about this year of absence, I just think about what this deployment has given us both: increased appreciation for one another. A few days ago, a friend whom I don't see often, told me that since I had been together with my boyfriend, I have changed. Seemingly happier. And it's true. Even though he is thousands of miles away, we still have each other, and so much to look forward to.

6 Comments:

Blogger Dick said...

One, thank you for your input at my place the other day. It was probably the most well thought comments of the group.

Two, remember that when he get's home, he's going to be changed.
Good, bad, hard telling.
Be ready.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I agree with Dick: he'll be a little different. And so will you. But the Army has a way of making strong relationships even stronger. I have faith in you two...

2:21 PM  
Blogger Girl on the Blog said...

Throughout the 5 months I have been reading your post... you have always shown your love and strength when it came to your relationship. I have no doubt that you and your soldier will make it for years to come. I am anxious for your soldier to return... just so you will have that relief that he is safe and sound...

I don't necessarily know and think he will have changed, as the previous two have stated... but I do think his love for you will have grown stronger just as your for him has... I wish you nothing but the best....

2:57 PM  
Blogger CaliValleyGirl said...

*Sniff*...your comments are so touching...thanks!

3:51 PM  
Blogger Household6 said...

Some people go nutty during a deployment and some people bond...Luckily you and your man are doing some great bonding.

I have to say though that it doesn't suprise me with you. You have a strength that many people couldn't even fathom. I say this because not many are willing to move to a foreign country, learn a somewhat difficult language, all the while persuing a masters degree there. Just going off base sometimes scares people to no end. The thought of what you have done would NEVER cross their mind.

It makes me smile to think that you have that "gooshie" feeling in your tummy at the thought of your sweetie & it makes me smile. I am not the only one that gets the "gooshie" feeling every time I see him and I've been married seven years.

HH6

10:33 AM  
Blogger Cali girl confused with the world said...

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great....

Always remeber your's is a great one...I was just looking for some nice love quotations and ran into your website...

My sister has had her boyfriend since 4 years and since the start she's livin in Cali and he in DC....really weird but they love eachother

My boyfriend has been living 3 hours away and after one whole year I want to break up...its tough not to've the person who loves you the most not by ur side all the time! I can't take it....

You are an inspiration....

9:14 PM  

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