Sunday, May 08, 2005

Weekend with Grandma

I spent the weekend with my grandmother. She is turning 78 this year, and has been preparing for the end for a few years now. So every time I go visit her, I inevitably get a few tips on what to do when she dies, and she is also constantly preparing. Bear in mind that she is still pretty fit, still drives, and travels extensively. However, like all good Germans, she wants to be prepared for when she eventually dies.

For example, she has been cleaning out the cellar and her closets, because she has too many clothes, and no more room. So she had bundled up many bags, and we took them to a donation center (after I had gone through them and found some choice pieces!) But she explained to me that she had kept a lot of synthetic dresses with colorful prints, because they will be practical when she finally moves into the assisted living home, because they are easy to wash, and you can't see the stains. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she really said that. I seriously can't wait to go visit her when the time has come and see her in her Pucci-esque dresses...stains and all. She'll be the most rocking grandma in the joint.

Another of her utterances that had me rolling on the floor was when I was talking about how cool Ebay was, and she interjects: "Oh, can sell your grandfather's cello and my violin there one day. I am sure you could get a lot of money." What do answer to that? "Oh yes, grandma...can't wait till you kick the bucket so I can pawn off your stuff." So, I did my standard eye rolling, and reassured her that everything would go according to her wishes once she passed.

A few years ago, when she had just started with the preparing for her death, I gave her a snappy answer. She was in the phase of giving things away, or at least talking about what she was going to give to someone when she died. I was getting a little sick of this, so when she talked about having just gotten new gold crowns on her molars, I replied: "Oh, will I be getting those when you die?" She looked and me and admonished me for being so morbid, and I said I was being no more morbid than herself with her constant planning. That did cure her for a while.

Oh, I nearly forgot...she has put on quite some weight in the last 15 years. She used to be about a size 6-8, and now she is more in the 14-16 area. But she said, she wasn't going to throw away a lot of her really old stuff, because it would fit her again when she is 85, because that is when you really start to lose weight again.

She's a riot.


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