Tuesday, January 24, 2006

What lays behind, and what lays ahead...

It's strange...in the last few weeks before my boyfriend came back for mid-tour leave, I was soooo freakin' excited. And towards the end of the deployment, it's almost like I am in denial that he is coming back. I mean...seriously, it's only 30 more days now. 30 days is nothing compared to what is behind us. I can honestly say that I think these last 30 days will go by quicker than the first. I really wasn't that sure a few weeks ago, but now that we are on the final stretch, I am.

The beginning was terrible. It took forever to get used to him being gone. I mean, I can just remember thinking what a basket-case I would be, if that lasted the whole year. Thankfully it didn't.

I got so used to him being gone, that it's like I can hardly believe that he is actually coming back.

A few nights ago, I was going through my archives, reading my posts about my feelings over the course of the deployment. I am so glad that I kept this online diary.

It's funny, because in a way, I was so naïve about the impending challenges. Some posts made me laugh, they were so cute and innocent:

It's only been five weeks since my boyfriend deployed, but somehow it seems so much longer. We have now been apart longer without seeing each other than ever before.

Well, guess I definitely broke that record now. Crazy to think that I have less time laying in front of me now, than I did laying behind me at the time I wrote that.

And some of the thoughts were definitely quite lucid:

So, I guess this is a journey for us both. His is physical, and mine is emotional. And when he comes back, we will both be better people, because of it.

I would have to add, that I was a bit self-centered in that post. My boyfriend has obviously gone through an emotional journey as well...but I was louder about it!

And one post, written before my boyfriend had even left, really made me smile and gave me butterflies:

To my surprise, I am also somewhat excited about him going to Afghanistan. I look forward to his emails describing his experiences there, the people, the sights. I look forward to his photos. And I would have to say, the thing I look forward to most, is meeting him all over again. After a year, he and I will both be completely different people and I look forward to the butterflies in my stomach upon seeing him again. Checking him over for new wrinkles, new scars, more gray hairs. To be re-introduced to that teasing twinkle in his eyes.

Oh man...I am getting so freakin' excited!


Blogger HookersGirl said...

*sigh* I so understand what you mean, girl!

He, soon and we can call eachother
"1st deployment survivor" LMAO

10:25 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

My husband came home with a scar on his forehead that he can't explain. It's pretty big, too! Probably an everyday bump from the inside of a tank...

7:41 AM  

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