Thursday, January 19, 2006

The Final Countdown

Only about 4-5 more weeks to go until my boyfriend redeploys back to Germany.

It's pretty strange, part of me feels like doing cartwheels all day long, however the other wants to tuck this piece of information into the deepest recesses of my brain, because I want to downplay the excitement as much as possible.

I feel like if I start getting really excited, I will be too susceptible to the inevitable change of plans. My emotions might take a nose dive at the exact moment I should be rejoicing, because instead of being back in a day, he won't be back for another week perhaps.

Also my fear that some tragedy will befall the unit in these last few weeks has also increased. Of course the chances of something happening to them now, is that same as before, but for some reason, because we are in the end phase, we almost forget that. Our daily worries about our soldiers are replaced by increasing anticipation of their return.

A deployment is not only a long separation. What many don't understand about a deployment, is that every day you grapple with the fact that your soldier could die or get injured that day. Obviously, many people lose loved ones every day. They get up in the morning, kiss their loved ones goodbye, and for some reason or another, their loved one doesn't live to join them for dinner. But usually this comes as a total surprise. Essentially those who have deployed loved ones are aware ever waking moment that something could happen to their loved one. Imagine how that eats at your psyche. That fear. It just isn't healthy. Of course most develop a coping mechanism, otherwise you just couldn't handle it. However, the fear is still there. And for me, it seems like towards the end it peaks again, to the same levels it was at the beginning of the deployment.

I have just arrived back to Germany, after spending 5 weeks at home. When I awoke yesterday morning, I was a little disoriented until I realized I was back in my apartment. I am sure that when my boyfriend returns, I will have a period of readjustment, moments where between sleep and waking, I will be disoriented and still think he is deployed, and I will still be tense. But eventually I will be able to let down my guard.

Five more weeks...*sigh*...(restrains self from doing cartwheels)...;-)


Blogger nicole said...

No negative thoughts :) Begin your final countdown! For me, it was almost one year Germany :)

1:30 PM  
Blogger nicole said... year AGO in Germany.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

WOW! I noticed the countdown on the ticker yesterday . . . have you picked out a nice outfit yet? Don't be late and take plenty of tissues! Be sure to have someone snap a photo too . . . tears, red eyes and all! Thinking of you!

7:47 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Ah yes the paranoia - I've got that too. I was just explaining that to someone today... hang in there - only a few more weeks.

11:04 PM  

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