Friday, May 13, 2005

Secret Single Behavior during my boyfriend's deployment

Any Sex and the City fan should recognize that title. If I were majoring in some subject that might allow it, I would do my masters on how Sex and the City is the modern woman’s Bible. I would do a comparison of parables in the Bible to episodes of SATC. Often when discussing issues with friends, I will refer to episodes in SATC for advice. For example, when one friend was lamenting about a guy not calling her back, and tying to find reasons, I just said, “hey, he’s just not that into you.” (Episode 78).

Or the constant debate between what kind of man is better, a Mr. Big or an Aidan. These two names have become synonymous with flashy, styling rich guy or down-to-Earth, caring nice guy. My best friend and I were constantly arguing about this. And then when Carrie cheated on Aidan with Mr. Big…oh, that broke my heart. I really didn’t like her much afterwards or even have much pity for any of her crises, my reaction was like that of an impatient mother: “well, see that’s what you get for letting go of a perfectly nice man.”

My favorite was Miranda. She was the most “normal” of the four. And at the end, she had the most “normal” life.

I digress, the point of this post is about Episode 61: “The Good Fight”:

As Aidan and all his stuff officially move into Carrie's apartment, Carrie starts feeling increasingly claustrophobic. Carrie complains to the girls that without any private space, she can't indulge in SSB or "secret single behavior." Carrie panics when she finds out that she and Aidan won't be able to take over the apartment next door for another month.

When Aidan proposes cleaning out her closet, she panics even more. As she watches Aidan move her precious Manolos and designer garb and when Pete starts gnawing on one of her stilettos, a heated argument ensues.

After much yelling, Carrie storms out with her laptop and wonders: When it comes to relationships, what are we fighting for? Carrie and Aidan's silent war lasts three days without any apologies. Carrie finally apologizes to Aidan and confesses that she needs him to not talk to her for one whole hour. He agrees but after a minute she returns to him, realizing that sometimes when you get your needs met, you don't need them anymore.

Now tell me that doesn’t sound like a parable in the Bible.

Anyways, I definitely have Secret Single Behavior. Okay, obviously it’s not that secret otherwise I wouldn’t be putting it on my blog, but it’s behavior I allow myself when my boyfriend isn’t around. Basically, it could be called, my Secret Slob Behavior: like letting the dishes pile up in my sink, because I can. Or…Eating sour candy for dinner, until I practically have raw skin in my mouth…

Or my personal favorite, renting DVDs and just watching all episodes in a row. I love doing that. I mean, I watched the whole Band of Brothers series in a weekend. And I would be watching until 4 am sometimes. I was actually already dating my boyfriend at the time…But if he called, I’d just pause, and pretend I was doing something a lot more normal, like just coming back from being outside in the sunshine, not being locked indoors, with the curtains closed watching episode after episode of Captain Winters and the rest of E Company. I definitely have a compulsive disorder when it comes to renting DVDs with TV shows. Monk, Six Feet Under, CSI, CSI Miami, Law and Order…

Not that my boyfriend wouldn’t allow me to watch episode after episode of those TV shows, but it’s something I rather do alone. I don’t want my viewing directed by anyone else’s wants and needs. Like sleep and eating for example. It’s selfish, but that’s me.

Another SSB is not cleaning my apartment until there is about 3rd generation dust bunnies prancing around.

Or and funnily enough, clothes shopping is something I want to do on my own. If I go shopping with my boyfriend, I don’t feel at liberty to try on the 20 thousand pieces of clothes that I would like to, even though he would let me and not complain. It's just that I wouldn't want to feel like I am inconveniencing him in anyway. Once he even remarked that we had never really gone shopping together. But shopping for me is really a selfish activity that I don’t want to do with my boyfriend. And I go nuts if I don’t have time to stroll the streets on my own.

And it’s not like my boyfriend would be shocked or disgusted by any of this…at least I don’t think he would, it’s just I NEED this time for myself. And I have certainly been indulging in a lot of SSB since he has been gone. I can really understand why some couples have real issues when a spouse returns from a deployment, because at least one of the partners has been indulging in a year’s worth of secret single behavior. It’s a luxury not to be underestimated.


Blogger HookersGirl said...

Hey Girl!
I totally understand what you mean and it totally made me smile while I was reading your post. I agree with you, except from that I love to go with my husband shopping. I want to ask him if he thinks I look sexy in a new dress*haha*. But I do have a SSB too. Whenever Iam alone, and lately Iam alone a lot since he is deployed, Iam sitting at the table and reading a book while eating. I am having that bad habbit since Iam a kid. When he is around I enjoy it more then everything else, but I do enjoy also to read a good book while eating. I know its bad and all but that is my SSB ;-)

1:59 PM  
Blogger Household6 said...

I am one of the few that hasn't seen the show but I know what you mean about behaviors.

The last trip to the store I bought enough paperplates to paper my whole house. I hate to do the dishes.

My other habit is one that I will deny but I sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed and roll the blankets up all around me like a burrito. ;-)

10:04 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Wow - there's quite a lot in this post about handling being together and apart. I've only watched a few episodes of that show - I found "Carrie" too annoying to watch more - the others were pretty well done.

As for shopping... that's what I do to get out of the house on the weekend. The only time my husband ever comes along is when HE needs to buy stuff (say about 3 times a year - LOL).

The problem most couples have is that they think they have to spend every waking moment together. There is definitely stuff you do, stuff he does, and stuff you do together... then there is the stuff you each do when you're apart that you wouldn't do together. On the whole, I'd rather give up the stuff we do when apart - to be together with my husband - the little bit of lost "freedom" is more than worth the being together. *grin*

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