Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Getting excited again

Yesterday I was in a foul mood. Grumpiness had replaced my excitement about my boyfriend coming home.

I was (and am) still recovering from the flu, and was feeling a little sorry for myself...waiting alone in my boyfriend's apartment. I was cursing myself for coming down here so soon, without being sure of his arrival date. The result being that I have been in waiting mode for the last 9 days. His earlier arrival dates were only tentative, and after a few days being down here, I realized that he wouldn't be back when I expected him to be. So the waiting begins. And the waiting was different from the waiting I have been doing the rest of the deployment.

I have compared it to waiting for someone's arrival for weeks, then getting into the car and driving to the airport and waiting at the gate, and then being told the plane will be delayed for an unseen amount of time. Even if that time that you spend waiting for them at the gate is minimal compared to the total amount you have waited for their return, you start getting really frustrated, because you are in this waiting limbo. You can't really make any plans, because they could be arriving any day, but you have no particular date to be excited about, because up until the last minute a flight can be canceled.

And I so regret being ticked off. I mean, a week ago, I was so excited. I was trying to figure out what I was going to wear to his homecoming. I was excited about buying his favorite beers, and favorite foods, preparing the apartment for his arrival. But suddenly, I was just moping.

What is wrong with me? I am lacking some perspective. Firstly, he IS coming home. No matter how much I am moping about the delays here, I can't forget that there are five families in our unit who wished that all they had to complain about was the redeployment taking so long. Instead, their soldiers came home early and it was the opposite of the joyous event our homecoming will be. Secondly, he has yet to be gone for a whole year, that anniversary being tomorrow. It's not as if I can claim that he has been deployed for longer than I had mentally prepared for. And really, a few days, after 360+ days are really nothing.

So today I vow to have a better attitude, to see the silver lining, and to start getting excited again.


Blogger Household6 said...

Yeah I have had those moments where you get peeved over something that seems unfair. Then your Jimmeny Cricket pipes up and reminds you that you could be in a far worse place making you feel guilty.

You are so close to home plate girlie-girl!


12:01 PM  
Blogger nicole said...

You are close...and when he finally arrives, it will seem like you waited 5 minutes. :) Keep smiling.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

I've had those moments too. Unfortunately I took it out on him before: http://blankielove.blogspot.com/2006/01/dumbass.html

I hope these next few days go by quickly for you. :)

5:04 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Just got an email from my son - he's on Chalk 6 to leave the country - he said Chalk 4 just left then 5 and 6 just got pushed back another 48 hours... but he's not flying anymore, only waiting to leave.

Of course he's been there for 371 days as of today since he left with the first group to head out there - someone has to put the aircraft together *grin*. (I got the email that he had arrived in the Stan on Valentine's Day last year - easy to remember)

Anyhow - I think once it becomes a waiting game... that's nearly unbearable. When they're there - it's just the way it is... when they're delayed getting back it's simply aggravating. Since he's not coming "home" so to speak... he's going to Germany - I'm just wanting all of them back safely. Then I'll relax just a tad. (no mother ever relaxes completely - just for your future reference. LOL)

5:23 PM  
Blogger Homefront Six said...

So close so close SO close!!!!

Here's hoping the next few days (hours?) go by QUICKLY!!!

- hfs

9:12 PM  
Blogger Stacy Kaye said...

Good for you for looking at things with a good perspective. I think sometimes it is okay to be grumpy and bummed out, as long as you later realize that you need to get out of that stage. You have done that!

10:21 PM  
Blogger erika said...

Damn waiting limbo!! It's made me feel so bipolar - one day happy, one day pissed, all to extremes. But like you, I remind myself that he's coming home. I feel so ridiculously selfish when I think about the families who aren't excited during this time because 5 months or so ago they had to drastically adjust their lives for the kind of return we all fear.

I'm so happy that your time is almost over, and I'm not far behind. If I had a glass and champagne, I'd give a toast. Here's to the end! :)

11:34 PM  
Blogger Day by Day said...

Hang in there! You're one tough cookie! Once you hold him in your arms... you will never remember this post! :)

11:41 PM  
Blogger AlliCadem said...

Yeah, there are folks that have been injured, even killed, that aren't coming home. And sure the families can wish that they are sitting where you are sitting.

But you know what?

IT STILL SUCKS. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to be frustrated and annoyed. I am still very excited for you, regardless!!!

3:23 AM  
Blogger Army Wife said...

that "anxiety" before they come home is "normal" I promise, been there done that....

3:36 PM  

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