Monday, February 27, 2006

Excitement...

Dear Jenny,

Last year, in the hours before being reunited with her husband, Sarah wrote me a post expressing her feelings in those last hours of the deployment. I was only two weeks into my own deployment, and still hadn't found my deployment normalcy. Her excitement made me excited about all that I could expect when I, too, was approaching the finish line. It made me want to go through the hardships of the deployment so I could feel the highs, the excitement, the sense of pride and accomplishment that she was feeling.

And here I am, at that point I could only dream about all those months ago. And I am so excited. But I am thinking of you.

I think of you, Jenny, because you have accompanied me on this trip, almost the whole way. Since we “met” over nice months ago, hardly a day has gone by the we haven't been a part of each other's day. Being a military girlfriend presents challenges of its own, and I don't think I will ever be able to properly express how thankful I am to have you as a sister-in-arms. And somehow I feel incredibly guilty that after sharing so many deployment experiences with you, going through so many ups and downs, that I am able to welcome my soldier while you still have some weeks to go. I wish your soldier would come home now too, so that we could hold cyber-hands through this experience too.

So before I am reunited with my boyfriend I just wanted to give you a peek at the end of the deployment experience book.

In a few hours I will walk into the reception tent. And wait for my soldier to walk in, and catch sight of that sweet and shy smile of his. I am so excited about running up to him, and touching him. It seems so silly now, how I would put a finger onto my computer screen to “stroke” the image of his face sent over the webcam, but it was all I had then.

I can't wait to grab a hold of him, and squeeze...and not let go.

I can't wait to sit and watch him, and be reminded of all the tiny things I forgot about him. The wrinkles, the scars, the shape of his ears, the scent of in the crook of his neck. And “that” look...that smirk that just makes me dissolve me into giggles.

I can't wait to just be able to open my eyes, and see him in front of me. No more emailing, phoning, Skyping and IMing.

I can't wait to play the little games we play, like while sitting together on the sofa, turning to stare at the other's profile, but turning away, as soon as the other person turns to meet our gaze, and pretending we never even looked in the other's direction in the first place. Immature flirting techniques, but oh so much fun.

It seems so surreal to me that right now, my boyfriend is already in Germany. Even though I am excited to see him, there is also an element of nervousness. We have been apart longer than we had known each other before he deployed, and a part of me is afraid that my imagination went into overdrive this past year, and imagined a relationship that doesn't really exist. Attributed characteristics that were easy to assume when a relationship is only conducted through telephone lines and online chats. And now over the next few months will be the time of truth. And that fills me with a sense of trepidation. But another part of me knows that is ridiculous. Knows that this past year apart has done more for our relationship than would have been accomplished being together for the same amount of time.

So I am excited. I am excited at to see and feel how our relationship is now. Since he has been gone the dynamics of our relationship have completely changed. Our communication has improved. Our understanding in each other. Our trust in one another. And I can't wait to “road test” this “new and improved” physically present relationship.

And above all I am proud. I am proud of my soldier for making such a sacrifice and rarely complaining.

I am proud that I have gone through this past year of trials so that it is perfectly clear in my head, how much this man is worth to me. Perhaps I wouldn't have cherished his company as much, would he not have been removed from my daily life for a year.

I am proud and thankful for my good friends and my amazing family who rallied around me this year, making sure that I was never really alone.

I am proud that you and I, Jenny, made it through, albeit kicking and screaming and often complaining. No matter how difficult this past year, and how crappy it sometimes was, I will always be thankful, because I met you. Were it not for the deployment, I would never have met the amazing woman you are.

And I am excited to to gush to you about the minutiae of my reunion with my boyfriend, and look forward to hearing about yours.

So once again, Jenny...thank you for holding my hand.

13 Comments:

Blogger HookersGirl said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:55 AM  
Blogger HookersGirl said...

HookersGirl Hat gesagt…
Girl, that was an amazing posting! I know how excited you are today, and eventhough we have talked on the IM before I still want to tell you here and now that Iam with you when you pick him up soon and I can't wait to get together so we can all celebrate our reunion and see each other again! "Girls nights out" are over for now, but Iam Ok with it ;)
I can't believe that we all made it! That year has been long and difficult but you made it through and Iam glad that we stayed in touch !

Enjoy the ceremony later and I will be thinking of you ;)

11:56 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

*Sniff, sniff* I'll do my best to respond, but it's difficult through teary eyes.

You are one of my dearest friends. And I know that the deployment was made easier as a result of our friendship. Through the peaks and valleys (um...about a 1 to 10 ratio, huh? :) )you were there for me just as much as I was there for you. After all, that's what friends are for, right?

Friendship is like a marriage - through good times and bad - and now that we have endured the bad together, I am anxious to finally endure the good. Even though your "good" is beginning for mine, I am no less excited for you. I know how much you have waited for today to come. And now that it is finally here, I am happy that this experience is culminating for you.

Yes, I wish this adventure was over for me, too. And I have to ashamedly admit that I am jealous that I won't feel "Him" cuddling up behind me tonight. But you know what? Even though there are still weeks to go before I know that feeling of "His" touch, you won't hear a single complaint from me. I'm happy that the end is near, and that he and I made it...together.

So with all that, my dear friend, it's with teary eyes that I say I love you. And I look forward to your gushing and happy stories because I know mine are not too far away.

Best of love - Jenny

12:31 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

Wow -- that was beautiful.

Your excitement is making me excited for my guy's homecoming in the months to come.

I'm so happy for you!!

2:10 PM  
Blogger nicole said...

Kleenex, please :) How sweet...friends truly do become your family during times like this...the bonds are unique and strong among military friends ;) What a nice tribute. You're finally crossing the finish line! Congrats again ;)

3:44 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I am so glad it's finally time for you to write that letter. I've been waiting for the torch to be passed...

5:47 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Jen said that 'Friendship is like Marriage'. So true! In fact my dear friend, also named Jenny, and I always referred to each other as wives . . . we felt we were married during deployments. Our husbands were gone so much from 2002-2004 that we spent most of our time together . . . we were there for each other during births of babies, sleepless nights, and notification, and when we needed a pick me up to Taco Bell. You can never replace a true friend. I can't believe your year is up . . . good for you . . . now, take a break and enjoy that boy being home.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

I've always been a reader, but haven't done a lot of commenting (only from time to time). It's just been comforting to read someone else's experiences of the same things that I have and am feeling. I feel so much for you today, and though part of it may be a tinge of jealousy because I still have 2 months to go, mostly it's happiness and pride and anxious nerves for what you're about to have (everything that you deserve). Give him a million kisses for all of us that can't give our men kisses yet, and know that we all are there with you in your excitement. (I'm actually so giddy I could puke because it makes me think of the day that I'll soon have, too.) :) Revel in every second of it all. Today you have been blessed. And the rest of your days together will be wonderful. Take care, and don't leave us in the dark too long. :)

5:54 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Wow, it's really here. Your post was amazing - and I'm just so thrilled to know in a few hours this will become a memory for you both.

You know, I am also struck with the strength of your writing. You have come a long way in this past year...it just proves what a good love can do to bring you into your own.

Now, go enjoy!!!

8:27 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Here's hoping you're in the middle of a lovely reunion about now!

2:19 AM  
Blogger bee said...

By the time you read this, you'll have already been reunited with your bf. Yahoo! :)

4:25 AM  
Blogger Day by Day said...

Oh sweetie! I am so excited for you... so excited! It's been a long journey and I am tickled pink that this journey has finally come to an end... a great ending! :)

5:29 AM  
Blogger Homefront Six said...

Wow - I am so thrilled for you!!! Your excitement was almost contagious through cyberspace! Woohoo!!!

- hfs

6:10 AM  

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